Ghost Talk With Fred, Peeves, And Myrtle
by Avatar L
Summary: The amazing antics of the afterlife! A comedic Talk show full of hilarity and degrading stunts, and humor from beyond the grave! I own none of the characters or the series. All official rights go to J.K. Rowling. Despite you may believe, this is a one-shot.


**Fred: **My name is Fred Weasley, and I'm dead. It's not all bad, I get to roam around Hogwarts and do as I please. I can cause all kinds of mischief now that I'm a ghost. Mysterious fire starts in the great hall? Me. Slime oozing from your common room walls? Yours truly. The possibilities are endless. But I'm not in it alone. My two new best friends are right there with me. Come on out guys!

**Mrytle: **Um… hi…

**Peeves: **This is so stupid. Why do we have to introduce ourselves to the readers?

**Fred:** Because the author is making us.

**Avatar L: **Am not!

**Peeves: **Are too!

**Avatar L: **So what? It's my Fanfic! I get to do what I want.

**Mrytle: **Um… can we get on with the story?

**Fred: **That's just it, Myrtle dear. There is no story. The author was too lazy to think of one.

**Avatar L: **What? No I wasn't!

**Peeves: **So why are we here? If there isn't a reason, I'm gonna snap!

**Fred: **Basically, it's a talk show. We're going to be bringing in random guests. It's supposed to be funny.

**Peeves: **That's the worst idea ever. The author is an idiot.

**Myrtle: **I agree.

**Fred: **Definitely.

**Avatar L: **I'm still here! You know what, I'm leaving! _*storms out*_

**Fred:** Okay, now that he's gone, let's start the show! Live from Myrtle's Bathroom, it's Ghost Talk, with your hosts, Moaning Myrtle, Peeves the Poltergiest, and myself, Fred Weasley!

_*Applause*_

**Fred: **So, as the both of you know, we're going to be bringing in random guests from time to time, I'm thinking at least two per episode. But what you don't know is that we're broadcasting all throughout Hogwarts!

**Myrtle:** Really?

**Peeves: **That's amazing. The whole school gets to know my unique brand of humor.

**Fred and Myrtle:** Suuuuure…

**Fred:** Yes. Well… I'd like to introduce our first guest. He spends his afterlife hounding the "properly decapitated" ghosts to let him join the Headless Hunt every year, Sir Nearly Headless Nick!

_*Sir Nicolas Enters with applause*_

**Nick:** Hello all! Great to be here!

**Myrtle:** So Nick, how was your summer?

**Nick:** Well, there was a lot of-

**Peeves:** BORING! Let's get on with the humiliating stunts!

**Nick:** Humiliating what? No. I don't think so.

**Fred: **Nick, Nick… all you have to do is _*indeterminate whispering*_

**Nick: **Absolutely not! I will not degrade myself in such a way!

_*mysterious bell sounds*_

**Peeves:** The bell! The bell! I love the bell!

**Nick:** What does the bell mean?

**Fred:** Oh nothing.

_*Chamber of Secrets opens to reveal the basilisk staring at Nick. Fred, Peeves and Myrtle cover their eyes*_

**Nick:** Oh not this agai- *gets petrified*

**Fred: **Sir Nicolas everybody! _*boots the petrified Nick through the wall*_

_*Chamber closes_*

**Myrtle:** Now, our next guest needs no introduction. The series is about him after all Mister Harry Potter!

_*Applause*_

**Harry:** _*from backstage* I'm not going out there. You can't make me_.

**Peeves:** Hooray! We get to wring the bell again!

**Harry: **Oh, alright_. *walks out onto the stage*_ Hello everyone! Great to be back at Hogwarts! _*fakes a smile*_

**Fred: **Harry! So good to see you! How've you been? Would you like something to eat? You look a bit pale.

**Harry: **Um… maybe it's because I'm in mortal danger here?

**Myrtle:** Oh please, Harry. When aren't you in mortal danger?

**Harry: **I guess you're right.

**Peeves:** Enough chitchat. Time for the humiliating stunts!

**Myrtle:** Hooray!

**Harry:** God help me.

**Fred:** Okay, so what you have to do is _*indeterminate whispering*_ Got it?

**Harry:** You are all pure evil. I'd rather fight Voldemort again!

**Myrtle:** Do we have to ring the bell again?

**Peeves:** I wouldn't mind that. Not one bit.

**Fred:** What'll it be, Harry?

**Harry:** Fine. I'll do it.

**Fred:** great! The supplies are in that stall over there. You'll have to fish them out of the toilet.

**Harry:** _*walks into the stall, and comes out wearing a tutu, and bunny ears.* _I hate you all.

**Peeves:** I can deal with that.

**Myrtle:** I think you look cute in that tutu, Harry.

**Harry:** Just give me the paper.

**Fred:** Here you go. _*hands him a piece of paper* _One filthy Drarry Fanfiction for your reading pleasure.

**Myrtle:** Go ahead and read it Harry.

**Harry:** _*skims the fanfic*_Oh dear God! _*runs into the stall and vomits*_

**Myrtle: **That was fast. We didn't even get to bring out the unicorn poo…

**Peeves:** Ha! Told you he'd throw up. Pay up, Weasles.

**Fred:** Alright, alright. Well folks, the Aurors are probably on their way, so we should rap this episode up. If you have suggestions for who we should have on next time, or what sort of humiliating stunts we should have them pull, leave a review. Until then, I'm Fred.

**Peeves:** I'm Peeves.

**Myrtle:** and Myrtle!

**All three:** And we'll be back! From the DEAD!

**Harry:** _*still throwing up*_ You guys are sick and twisted.


End file.
